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Stories of teens taking and sending a naked picture of themselves with their phones have been all over the news media in recent years. The outcome? Shocking, according to reports that have suggested that humiliation and sometimes even suicide can follow.But what is the reality? Sexting is often seen as a dicey electronic version of ï¿½Iï¿½ll show you mine, you show me yours.ï¿½ Many teens (and adults) engage in it. Indeed, some are suggesting that it is becoming a ï¿½normalï¿½ part of adolescent sexual development. And in general, few psychological problems (if any) are correlated with the behavior.Hereï¿½s the bottom line: Research suggests that most photos donï¿½t end up in disasters, either socially (being passed around, teased, bullied) or criminally (being prosecuted).Such outcomes are possible, but they arenï¿½t highly probable. We should make kids aware of these possibilities, but we have to do that without suggesting that disaster is likely or, worse, inevitable.Risky behavior?Sexting is a crime when it involves sending nude pictures of anyone under 18-years-old. A study of thousands of sexting cases found that those selected for criminal prosecution in the U.S. in 2011 involved adults asking teens for pictures, or cases of obvious coercion, threats or blackmail. The researchers pointed out that the cases that come to the attention of authorities are more likely to have aggravating circumstances.Whether the authorities are actively choosing not to prosecute more run-of-the-mill sexting, or whether they are prosecuting teen-on-teen sexting but simply rarely seeing it, is unclear. The news media continue to cover stories such as the recent case in Oakland County, Michigan, but true to form, that case went beyond two teens exchanging photos, and involved boys collecting groups of photos for purposes unknown.If a teen sends a nude photo to a friend, how big is the risk that it will result in serious harm? Recent research is downplaying that risk. I have found that more than three-quarters of teens who sext believe their photo went to the intended recipient and no one else. These teens might be wrong and spreading photos around might be more common; but if the sender believes it has been kept private, then they probably werenï¿½t traumatized by a mass exposure.When I studied the after effects of sexting, I found that most incidents didnï¿½t have much of an outcome at all ï¿½ either good or bad. Most kids didnï¿½t describe trauma or bullying, but neither did they describe newly-acquired boyfriends or increased popularity. The most common outcome was generally ï¿½feeling worseï¿½, but even that happened in only about one-quarter of the cases.Curiosity and coercionYet there are risks to sexting that have been largely ignored. A lot of sexting is done to attract the recipient ï¿½ either by an existing girlfriend or boyfriend, or by someone who wants a relationship with the recipient.Page 2 of 3 - Itï¿½s becoming increasingly clear, however, that not all sexting is about fun and games. My biggest concern is when kids under 18 ï¿½ often girls ï¿½ are pressured by their peers to engage in sexting that they really donï¿½t want to do. The younger they are when they sext, the more likely they are to report that they succumbed to pressure. And that pressure isnï¿½t rare.Overall, about two-thirds of the teens in my research studies report that they were pressured or coerced into sexting at least some of the time. Being pressured into sexting sometimes happened within a dating relationship, or it might come from a person (usually a boy) with whom a girl wants to have a relationship. Wanting to attract that boy, and wanting to be attractive to a boyfriend or girlfriend, were the most common reasons for actually sending the photo. About 92% of the teens who were not pressured reported no problems following sexting; but that number dropped to only 68 percent of the teens who felt pressured into sexting.Is it time for sexting ed?Hannah Rosinï¿½s recent article in The Atlantic told the story of a town in Virginia that discovered an Instagram page featuring a compilation of nude pictures of local girls.Officials also found ï¿½ to their astonishment ï¿½ that sexting appeared to be widespread and common, and that issues such as widespread exposure and criminal liability were far from the minds of the teens involved. Any parent might ask, why havenï¿½t students been taught about the criminal nature of underage sexting? Why havenï¿½t students been warned about how devastating it could be to have a nude photo become public?The problem, in my experience, isnï¿½t that adults donï¿½t issue these warnings. The problem is that kids donï¿½t hear them. That deafness probably results from credibility issues. Why should you trust a warning that contains inaccurate data?Imagine that I warned you to wear your seat belt, because half of the car rides in America end up with someone going through the windshield. You might not listen to me, given that itï¿½s obvious to anyone that half of the car rides in America donï¿½t end up with people slamming on the brakes, much less going through the windshield.Sexting warnings are the same. If our information isnï¿½t correct, if weï¿½re issuing dire warnings about outcomes that are, in reality, pretty rare, then our message isnï¿½t heard.The conversations that will ring true with kids arenï¿½t about the law or about social humiliation. These conversations should address the common risks and problems sexting poses, like being pressured to send pictures, or pressuring someone else to send pictures. Some teens may not understand that pressuring someone into sending naked pictures can be sexual harassment. There are no social rules about when itï¿½s OK to take or post a picture without someoneï¿½s consent ï¿½ but 70% of the teens I study say that there should be commonly-accepted and agreed-upon guidelines. ï¿½Sexting edï¿½ could help us all develop such social norms.Page 3 of 3 - Both sex and technology are topics that can be anxiety-ridden for parents, and it can be difficult for kids to believe there is any risk when they see so many peers sexting without consequences.Itï¿½s important for parents to discuss risk, but also to discuss them realistically. Talking with your children about obeying the law, respecting othersï¿½ privacy, everyoneï¿½s right to keep their bodies private, and what values you have about this issue is what parenting around sexting is all about.Dr. Elizabeth Englander is the director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center at Bridgewater State University. Do you have situations or questions youï¿½d like addressed? 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Of all the relationships we build at work, the one we develop with our boss is perhaps the most unique and challenging and, potentially, the most rewarding.Anyone who has been in the "real world" for more than a couple of years has likely worked for both good and bad bosses. Through those experiences, we learn what kinds of managers motivate us, help us grow and lead us to do great things. We also discover what kinds of bosses drag us down, kill our productivity and eventually persuade us to look for something new.I ve been lucky in my career to work for several managers who proved through their words and actions that they genuinely cared about my success and about me as an individual. Some of them are still , even though we haven t worked together for years.I m sure I m not alone in this good fortune, and a recent survey confirms that suspicion.Global training organization commissioned a survey of 1,010 employed American adults, which was conducted in May by Ipsos Public Affairs.According to , almost seven out of 10 workers said they loved or liked their boss, while only 8 percent said they disliked or hated their boss.I was a bit surprised by this, since I often seem to hear people complaining about their bosses. But I think it s a great result and a tribute to the managers out there.In fact, the Sandler Training said that the number of respondents who said they loved their boss was a whopping 16 percent.Hmm. I manage nine people on my team now. In order to meet this standard, somewhere between one and two of them need to love me as a boss, and about seven of them need to at least like me. If they re ever asked to participate in a survey like this, I hope it s on a day that I bring doughnuts!The Sandler Training survey also indicated that, when asked to label their bosses from a group of choices, 44 percent called their boss a leader, while 19 percent said their manager was missing in action. Another 16 percent said their supervisor was a micromanager; 11 percent said he or she was a power-tripper; and 10 percent said their boss was a best friend. Of the kinds of bosses one might identify with, it s a relief that the No. 1 choice people identified with was describing their boss as a leader, Dave Mattson, CEO of Sandler Training, said in a press release about the survey. But, looking at the remaining traits, I find it alarming that 46 percent of working Americans refer to their managers as missing in action, micromanager or power-tripper. Page 2 of 3 - "Individually, each of these traits can have an extremely negative effect because workers are far more likely to be productive and contribute to the bottom line when they feel supported, empowered and heard. Executives that turn their heads from these negative management behaviors are only detracting from their company s potential. I couldn t agree more with Mattson s point of view. I ve written in about the effects bad bosses have on employee morale and, ultimately, productivity. When productivity suffers, that trouble seems to find its way to the company s bottom line.So how can more bosses fall into the "leader" category? Well, there are several traits that make a good manager, and the Sandler Training survey asked respondents to give their bosses grades in a few of those areas.The results overall were decent, but they show that we managers have room to improve.For example, 40 percent of those surveyed gave their bosses a B for overall management and skills. Furthermore, 34 percent gave their bosses a B for leadership and motivation, and 34 percent gave them a B for communication.But it wasn t all good news on the survey. According to Sandler Training, 24 percent of bosses received a C in overall management skills, while a combined 14 percent received a D or an F. Bosses can make or break a person s experience at work, so it s reassuring to see that many of us think our bosses are doing a good job in terms of overall management skills, leadership and communication, Mattson said in the Sandler press release. I do worry about the bosses who received a C or below, though, because they are the ones who are likely frustrating employees, leading to things like internal fighting, higher turnover and numerous other things that negatively affect the bottom line. I hope I would average a B or higher in those three key areas if my team took this survey. I ve tried hard over the years to develop good communication skills, especially, as I think they are vital to providing quality leadership.I think I would add another question to this survey if I were doing it, asking people to rate their bosses interest in helping employees build better work-life balance. I can t overstate how important I believe that is to improving morale and productivity in the current office environment.I would be interested in your take on all of this. What grade would you give your boss in the areas of overall management, leadership, communication and concern for employees work-life balance? And which of the labels from the Sandler Training survey would you use to describe her or him?Page 3 of 3 - Leave a comment online or send me an email with your responses and your tales of excellent or horrible bosses. 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